The Solomon Project-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Please see the earlier posts on the theme and rationale for this blog.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Happy is the house that shelters a friend.” (Emerson, Essays: First Series (1841) Friendship) Friendship is truly a gift from God. To be able to have people around you that you can trust that know you deeply, and can accept you for what you are is something more precious than gold.

This section of Ecclesiastes speaks about this today. In stark contrast to last weeks passage that dealt with opposite extremes: self absorbed workaholism or catatonic idleness and the wretched future of a single man with no family children or siblings. This passage presents the positive aspects of relationships. We think of friendship as usually having more of an emotional or psychological impact involving the concepts of relatedness. The author here presents more of the concrete and physical aspects of friendship. The pragmatics of relationship so to speak. Verse 9 says: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work." (Ecc 4:9 NIV) The verse speaks about relationship in working together You have heard people say "I prefer to work alone." That may work for awhile but research into organization and industrial psychology tell us that self-directed teams with a common goal are highly effective. The next part of the passage has more to do with the failings of life.

Verse 10 reads: "If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecc 4:10 NIV) We think of the actual physical act of falling. Particularly if one is carrying a heavy load. One could fall under that and never be able to get up. This verse can be enlarged to consider the failings of life: loss of a relationship, marriage, a job and career, loss of a dream. These things many times will result in depression. Friends and enduring relationships can be invaluable at these times. One of my colleagues This past week went through brain surgery with their father. I reached out and did what I could to help hold them up during that difficult time. Especially since the surgery was not successful. Emerson also said: "I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them." (Emerson, Friendship) There must be a balancing act to this also. The author is not advocating excessive dependence but appropriate assistance.


Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? (Ecc 4:11 NIV) Some of you may remember the rock group Three Dog Night. The name came from the use of sled dogs in Alaska to keep warm at night. It was an extremely cold night when you had to have three dogs surrounding you to keep warm. This does not refer to sexual activity. It has to due with the practicality of subsistence. When life gets to the point that you have to rely on others for warmth that is a basic need, in the context of food, shelter and clothing. The rhetorical question "How can they keep warm alone?" obviously is answered in the negative. They can't.

Verse 12 says: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecc 4:12 NIV) Certainly there is strength in numbers. Marauders and thieves attack those alone more quickly, and with much more success. This speaks to the defense of oneself in the onslaughts of life. Some of us may have had our lives put in danger at one point in time. We would like to have had someone there to help us. The author goes on to inject a proverb here, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Signifying the strength in numbers. But not that it is not just three strands. It is a cord. Signifying that it is a united whole. It is made up of three strands. My pastor uses this illustration in marriage sermons signifying that two people come together in marriage and intertwined with those two people is God. It makes for a cord that is not easily broken.

Those who struggle with addiction and compulsivity may be asking what has this got to do with me. Addiction and compulsive behavior can be extremely isolating. Friendships with those who act out are not reliable. The drug of choice takes up too much time. Especially is sexual addiction there is an extreme isolation to that.

In recovery we learn to reconnect to people, develop friendships, learn to trust again. When you are connected with people who act out there is little trust. We break the delusion that we are alone and will always stay alone and further more are not worth friendship. That is shame speaking into our emotional ear. We must learn to accept this need and foster friendships and relationships. Recovery cannot be done alone. Somewhere along your life relationship was broken and violated that is one of the reasons you are suffering from addictive and compulsive behaviors. Moving back into safe relationships is vital. This is why 12 step programs work so well. But you have to be willing to bow to the process of allowing yourself to reconnect. It goes against addictive thinking. But interrelationships are vital. Our time is up for today. Keep coming back it works if you work it and you are worth it.