Please see the earlier posts on the theme and rationale for this blog.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Happy is the house that shelters a friend.” (Emerson, Essays: First Series (1841) Friendship) Friendship is truly a gift from God. To be able to have people around you that you can trust that know you deeply, and can accept you for what you are is something more precious than gold.
This section of Ecclesiastes speaks about this today. In stark contrast to last weeks passage that dealt with opposite extremes: self absorbed workaholism or catatonic idleness and the wretched future of a single man with no family children or siblings. This passage presents the positive aspects of relationships. We think of friendship as usually having more of an emotional or psychological impact involving the concepts of relatedness. The author here presents more of the concrete and physical aspects of friendship. The pragmatics of relationship so to speak. Verse 9 says: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work." (Ecc 4:9 NIV) The verse speaks about relationship in working together You have heard people say "I prefer to work alone." That may work for awhile but research into organization and industrial psychology tell us that self-directed teams with a common goal are highly effective. The next part of the passage has more to do with the failings of life.
Verse 10 reads: "If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecc 4:10 NIV) We think of the actual physical act of falling. Particularly if one is carrying a heavy load. One could fall under that and never be able to get up. This verse can be enlarged to consider the failings of life: loss of a relationship, marriage, a job and career, loss of a dream. These things many times will result in depression. Friends and enduring relationships can be invaluable at these times. One of my colleagues This past week went through brain surgery with their father. I reached out and did what I could to help hold them up during that difficult time. Especially since the surgery was not successful. Emerson also said: "I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them." (Emerson, Friendship) There must be a balancing act to this also. The author is not advocating excessive dependence but appropriate assistance.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? (Ecc 4:11 NIV) Some of you may remember the rock group Three Dog Night. The name came from the use of sled dogs in Alaska to keep warm at night. It was an extremely cold night when you had to have three dogs surrounding you to keep warm. This does not refer to sexual activity. It has to due with the practicality of subsistence. When life gets to the point that you have to rely on others for warmth that is a basic need, in the context of food, shelter and clothing. The rhetorical question "How can they keep warm alone?" obviously is answered in the negative. They can't.
Verse 12 says: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecc 4:12 NIV) Certainly there is strength in numbers. Marauders and thieves attack those alone more quickly, and with much more success. This speaks to the defense of oneself in the onslaughts of life. Some of us may have had our lives put in danger at one point in time. We would like to have had someone there to help us. The author goes on to inject a proverb here, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Signifying the strength in numbers. But not that it is not just three strands. It is a cord. Signifying that it is a united whole. It is made up of three strands. My pastor uses this illustration in marriage sermons signifying that two people come together in marriage and intertwined with those two people is God. It makes for a cord that is not easily broken.
Those who struggle with addiction and compulsivity may be asking what has this got to do with me. Addiction and compulsive behavior can be extremely isolating. Friendships with those who act out are not reliable. The drug of choice takes up too much time. Especially is sexual addiction there is an extreme isolation to that.
In recovery we learn to reconnect to people, develop friendships, learn to trust again. When you are connected with people who act out there is little trust. We break the delusion that we are alone and will always stay alone and further more are not worth friendship. That is shame speaking into our emotional ear. We must learn to accept this need and foster friendships and relationships. Recovery cannot be done alone. Somewhere along your life relationship was broken and violated that is one of the reasons you are suffering from addictive and compulsive behaviors. Moving back into safe relationships is vital. This is why 12 step programs work so well. But you have to be willing to bow to the process of allowing yourself to reconnect. It goes against addictive thinking. But interrelationships are vital. Our time is up for today. Keep coming back it works if you work it and you are worth it.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The Solomon Project-Ecclesiastes 4:4-8
I am sorry about last week. No blog: Income tax weekend. We pick up again this week at Ecclesiastes 4:4 and go through verse 8. Read the previous blogs to get the viewpoint and purpose behind this blog.
And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. (Ecc 4:4 NIV) This section deals with the person consumed with work. the author presents two opposite extremes here. The workaholic and the fool. The workaholic is one that has his entire sense of worth tied up in success. This means even at the expense of relationships. The author has even up to this point made a case for enjoying work and relationships and a relationship with God. But with this excess Solomon says that it is futile. Empty wind.
The other extreme is the fool. The fool folds his hands and ruins himself. (Ecc 4:5 NIV) The NET Bible (Bible.org) translates this literally and presents the true figure of speech that is there. The fool folds his hands and does no work, so he has nothing to eat but his own flesh. (Ecc 4:5 NET) This is the opposite of the workaholic. This person folds his hands together and ruins himself. The figure of speech suggests that this person is as self absorbed as the first but does nothing to keep himself alive. The cannibalistic nature of the fool here suggests that the fool is consumed with himself psychologically and emotionally. So consumed that he refuses to do anything to maintain his life or his lifestyle. Both the workaholic and the fool represent excess in living life.
Addicts live in extremes. Workaholics falls prey to the culture we live in. 70 and 80 hour work weeks, perfectionism and obsessive devotion to the profession are all lauded in our society. The author says that we are chasing after wind. It is very easy to become sober in one area only to act out in another. You may be sexually sober and in recovery but just as sick in the area of work. The fool sees nothing in life to which to give himself and wastes away desiring it. Both are polar opposites that characterize addiction: Excess and deprivation.
Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. (Ecc 4:6 NIV) Sometimes no one says it better than Solomon and that is true here. He presents the middle of the road. The way of serenity. Be content with tranquility rather than struggling and having emptiness. Jay Leno gives a good perspective on healthy competition. He states: Bill Maher and I are on against each other, and we're friends. He can do my show any time he wants, and I've done Politically Incorrect several times. There's no reason to think competition has to be adversarial. This is such a good statement. I have found that if you are good at what you do you will always have work.
Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: (Ecc 4:7 NIV) The author introduces the next observation with this phrase. It is as if he turns around and sees something else that has no meaning in life. It is an introductory phrase that is called a Pleonasm. He uses several words that could be summed up in one.
The next verse has to do with the relationships or lack thereof. A man who is all alone with no companion, he has no children nor siblings; yet there is no end to all his toil, and he is never satisfied with riches. He laments, "For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?" This also is futile and a burdensome task! (Ecc 4:8 NET) This person is a workaholic. The point is that he has accomplished much but has no one to share it with. Children and siblings are used to stand for the whole group. It is called a synecdoche a part stand for the whole. So he has no one in his family of origin or his nuclear family. His relationship is with wealth and the striving to attain it. He asks the empty question: "Who am I working for?" Addicted and compulsive people many times have alienated loved ones. Even in recovery they may lead a lonely existence. Recovery has to do with the honest and straightforward acceptance of the trail of hurt and anger that one has left behind. Then one begins to work at repairing those relationships. The relationship of mankind with his creator, work and each other can take on various shades of compulsive activity. Addiction covers emotions, shame grief and loss. It is easy to get lost in any of these things to avoid the pain.
Today ask God what you can do to change how you relate to these three things. An openness to the Creator will allow him to show you what needs to be changed. Ask Him to clear the wreckage of addictive and compulsive behavior from you mind and He will do that. Willingness to change is the beginning. Our time is up for today. So until next time: "Keep coming back it works if you work it and you're worth it."
And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. (Ecc 4:4 NIV) This section deals with the person consumed with work. the author presents two opposite extremes here. The workaholic and the fool. The workaholic is one that has his entire sense of worth tied up in success. This means even at the expense of relationships. The author has even up to this point made a case for enjoying work and relationships and a relationship with God. But with this excess Solomon says that it is futile. Empty wind.
The other extreme is the fool. The fool folds his hands and ruins himself. (Ecc 4:5 NIV) The NET Bible (Bible.org) translates this literally and presents the true figure of speech that is there. The fool folds his hands and does no work, so he has nothing to eat but his own flesh. (Ecc 4:5 NET) This is the opposite of the workaholic. This person folds his hands together and ruins himself. The figure of speech suggests that this person is as self absorbed as the first but does nothing to keep himself alive. The cannibalistic nature of the fool here suggests that the fool is consumed with himself psychologically and emotionally. So consumed that he refuses to do anything to maintain his life or his lifestyle. Both the workaholic and the fool represent excess in living life.
Addicts live in extremes. Workaholics falls prey to the culture we live in. 70 and 80 hour work weeks, perfectionism and obsessive devotion to the profession are all lauded in our society. The author says that we are chasing after wind. It is very easy to become sober in one area only to act out in another. You may be sexually sober and in recovery but just as sick in the area of work. The fool sees nothing in life to which to give himself and wastes away desiring it. Both are polar opposites that characterize addiction: Excess and deprivation.
Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. (Ecc 4:6 NIV) Sometimes no one says it better than Solomon and that is true here. He presents the middle of the road. The way of serenity. Be content with tranquility rather than struggling and having emptiness. Jay Leno gives a good perspective on healthy competition. He states: Bill Maher and I are on against each other, and we're friends. He can do my show any time he wants, and I've done Politically Incorrect several times. There's no reason to think competition has to be adversarial. This is such a good statement. I have found that if you are good at what you do you will always have work.
Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: (Ecc 4:7 NIV) The author introduces the next observation with this phrase. It is as if he turns around and sees something else that has no meaning in life. It is an introductory phrase that is called a Pleonasm. He uses several words that could be summed up in one.
The next verse has to do with the relationships or lack thereof. A man who is all alone with no companion, he has no children nor siblings; yet there is no end to all his toil, and he is never satisfied with riches. He laments, "For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?" This also is futile and a burdensome task! (Ecc 4:8 NET) This person is a workaholic. The point is that he has accomplished much but has no one to share it with. Children and siblings are used to stand for the whole group. It is called a synecdoche a part stand for the whole. So he has no one in his family of origin or his nuclear family. His relationship is with wealth and the striving to attain it. He asks the empty question: "Who am I working for?" Addicted and compulsive people many times have alienated loved ones. Even in recovery they may lead a lonely existence. Recovery has to do with the honest and straightforward acceptance of the trail of hurt and anger that one has left behind. Then one begins to work at repairing those relationships. The relationship of mankind with his creator, work and each other can take on various shades of compulsive activity. Addiction covers emotions, shame grief and loss. It is easy to get lost in any of these things to avoid the pain.
Today ask God what you can do to change how you relate to these three things. An openness to the Creator will allow him to show you what needs to be changed. Ask Him to clear the wreckage of addictive and compulsive behavior from you mind and He will do that. Willingness to change is the beginning. Our time is up for today. So until next time: "Keep coming back it works if you work it and you're worth it."
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The Solomon Project-Ecclesiastes 4:1-3
This a blog entitled the Solomon Project. It attempts to apply the wisdom books of the Old Testament in the Bible to those who suffer from addiction especially sexual addiction and compulsivity. I attempt to make my comments applicable to many different individuals that may exercise a broad array of faiths. We are presently in the book of Ecclesiastes.
We turn this week from chapter three to the beginning of chapter four. The positive statement at the end of chapter three is a concluding interlude that forms a hinge between the two parallel thoughts of 3:16-17 and 4:1-2. These positive statements bring a breath of fresh air to the book. In contrast to the gloomy outlook "under the sun." There is no perfect judgment and no perfect justice. and now in 4:1-2 there is oppression. "Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed-- and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors-- and they have no comforter." (Ecc 4:1 NIV) Psa 74:20 states: "Have regard for your covenant, because haunts of violence fill the dark places of the land." (Psa 74:20 NIV) Abuse and abuse of power fill our land. I see the effects of these abuses in my office everyday. Some of you suffering from addiction have experienced oppression. That abuse may have been verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse. You also may have done these things to others you may have been the oppressor. Oppression is wrong at any time because it robs the person of his basic freedoms to act freely and fully live out the image of God that he was created in. So much more could be said here.
Solomon continues on: "And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still live." (Ecc 4:2 NIV) Such violence "under the sun" in this earthly life brings Solomon to conclude that the dead are better off than those alive. There may be those who read this that will possibly think that Solomon is advocating suicide. He is merely making an observation about life. Still some readers will take this to mean that they are better off dead than oppressed. This is not meant to bring one to contemplate suicide! Addiction and compulsivity may have brought you to the point of contemplating that. The seeming hopelessness and insanity of addiction and compulsivity may bring you to that point. Remember these are Solomon's reflections on a fallen world that he observes "under the sun." Solomon says that the task given to man by God is to be happy in work because when we die it is permanent (3:22). I would strongly urge you that if you are in that state of mind call a crisis hotline or 911. Seek help for the issues that might be causing these thoughts. Solomon culminates this section by bringing it to its logical conclusion. "But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun." (Ecc 4:3 NIV) These is certainly truth to this statement. If you have never been born then you will never have any knowledge of the oppression of mankind. But taking into account the larger context of the book you would never be able to enjoy the tasks that God has given to man either: To enjoy work, to enjoy wife and family, to live according to God's commands and to do good for others.
These three verses bring us to face the raw realities of oppression, pain and death. Oppression may also take other forms as a result of traumatic experiences. Depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger, loss of emotional control and lethargy or over control are only a few symptoms you may experience. These verses talk directly about oppression. If you have experienced oppression do not think that you will be able to change the person who committed those acts of violence. You cannot. If you have committed acts of violence and oppressed others. Connect with a peer-led group that will help you with setting things right and begin making amends. It is a large part of what we call recovery. Our time is up for today. Keep coming back it works if you work it and you are worth it!
We turn this week from chapter three to the beginning of chapter four. The positive statement at the end of chapter three is a concluding interlude that forms a hinge between the two parallel thoughts of 3:16-17 and 4:1-2. These positive statements bring a breath of fresh air to the book. In contrast to the gloomy outlook "under the sun." There is no perfect judgment and no perfect justice. and now in 4:1-2 there is oppression. "Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed-- and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors-- and they have no comforter." (Ecc 4:1 NIV) Psa 74:20 states: "Have regard for your covenant, because haunts of violence fill the dark places of the land." (Psa 74:20 NIV) Abuse and abuse of power fill our land. I see the effects of these abuses in my office everyday. Some of you suffering from addiction have experienced oppression. That abuse may have been verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse. You also may have done these things to others you may have been the oppressor. Oppression is wrong at any time because it robs the person of his basic freedoms to act freely and fully live out the image of God that he was created in. So much more could be said here.
Solomon continues on: "And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still live." (Ecc 4:2 NIV) Such violence "under the sun" in this earthly life brings Solomon to conclude that the dead are better off than those alive. There may be those who read this that will possibly think that Solomon is advocating suicide. He is merely making an observation about life. Still some readers will take this to mean that they are better off dead than oppressed. This is not meant to bring one to contemplate suicide! Addiction and compulsivity may have brought you to the point of contemplating that. The seeming hopelessness and insanity of addiction and compulsivity may bring you to that point. Remember these are Solomon's reflections on a fallen world that he observes "under the sun." Solomon says that the task given to man by God is to be happy in work because when we die it is permanent (3:22). I would strongly urge you that if you are in that state of mind call a crisis hotline or 911. Seek help for the issues that might be causing these thoughts. Solomon culminates this section by bringing it to its logical conclusion. "But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun." (Ecc 4:3 NIV) These is certainly truth to this statement. If you have never been born then you will never have any knowledge of the oppression of mankind. But taking into account the larger context of the book you would never be able to enjoy the tasks that God has given to man either: To enjoy work, to enjoy wife and family, to live according to God's commands and to do good for others.
These three verses bring us to face the raw realities of oppression, pain and death. Oppression may also take other forms as a result of traumatic experiences. Depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger, loss of emotional control and lethargy or over control are only a few symptoms you may experience. These verses talk directly about oppression. If you have experienced oppression do not think that you will be able to change the person who committed those acts of violence. You cannot. If you have committed acts of violence and oppressed others. Connect with a peer-led group that will help you with setting things right and begin making amends. It is a large part of what we call recovery. Our time is up for today. Keep coming back it works if you work it and you are worth it!
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